The more things change……..

Scanxiety, it’s a total thing! Waiting for my post-op scan was a complete emotional roller coaster. One minute I convinced myself it would be bad, the next I was certain the lifestyle changes I have made so far would bring about an excellent result! The unknown is such a difficult thing. But we finally found ourselves in the office of my surgeon, talking about how I was feeling and how I probably went from couch potato recovering to back to work and striving for 10,000 steps a day too quickly. I was taken off of all restrictions so lifting my sweet granddaughter is a-ok now! I was also given the ok to run. Now I know what you are thinking…… “I didn’t know you were a runner!” Well, I am not. However, as part of the lifestyle changes that have included celery juice in the morning followed by turmeric tea and a protein shake for breakfast and a plan to shift to a vegetarian/vegan/chegan nutrition plan, I plan to run. Walking has brought me so much comfort and Courtney and I have aspirations of running some 5k races and even starting our own kidney cancer awareness walk! I feel stronger and healthier each day and have no intention of going back to my high sugar, high protein, high fat, pretty much high everything but fruits and veggies diet.

Back to my appointment. It was going well! Incision is good, restrictions are done…….let’s look at that follow up CT. This was when things took a turn. The nodules on my lungs, well, at least 3 of the 4 nodules have grown by 15-20%. Not what we had hoped to hear. I did later learn that this is considered a “stable result”. Really?? Apparently less than 50% growth is stable. We learned all of this on Friday, so we’ve had the weekend to ponder all of this. Lots of speculation has occurred. But the strangest thing happened. I enjoyed myself. I know that should not seem that odd. But “joy” is not the word I would use to describe the last 7 weeks. But we were invited to a neighborhood get together at our local Eagles Club on Saturday. We went, and even though they all know what is going on, they all chose to just let me be……let me be normal…..let me be just a regular guest at this gathering. No one said “wow, you look so good” which I take as, “you don’t look sick”. No one asked about how things were going. It was WONDERFUL! Again, I am grateful in ways I will never be able to express for the love, kindness and concern I have been given and I pray that my beautiful friends don’t stop reaching out. I am so truly Blessed and I know it! But for the first time in awhile, I felt normal. I had…….dare I say it…….fun!

Sunday felt pretty great too! My morning started with a wonderful message from a man I have admired since I have known him. He’s currently on his own cancer journey and took the time to reach out, offer some kind and comforting words along with some much needed advice. It made my day more than he could know. It was just what I needed to hear and I find myself in awe that he would take the time to bring some comfort to me. I went on a total of 4 walks, 3 to the end of our road (about a 1/2 mile round trip) and one where I continued on around the lake. (that one was probably a full mile round trip!) I made dinner and Courtney and Fred came over. We watched the Lions almost win and just had a nice time together!

Who knows what Monday will bring. More change? Good change? (it is my first day at my new job in the Foundation Office!) A plan? Do we wait? Continue to watch things? An idea of what will be next? Which treatment? More of the roller coaster ride? I’m ready.

I’ve got this! We’ve got this!