Friday 8/9/19 was a TOUGH start to the day. My beautiful daughter who glued herself to my side from my diagnosis the day prior, and I both woke up REALLY anxious about things. I think the shock had worn off and reality set in. And we knew NOTHING about what the future held. As you know from my previous post, Friday turned out to be a day of information, testing and appointments and we wrapped up the day feel significantly better!

Friday evening, sometime after 6pm, the doctor on my newly formed team who specializes in the lungs called. My CT with contrast showed nothing we did not already know with the exception of a spot on my liver that is almost undetectably small. This felt like a HUGE win for not just me, but my family. Now for the oncology urologist. We just need him to agree. But in that moment, we all just took a breath, counted Blessings and just sat with the news.

Saturday our oldest son, daughter in law and sweet precious granddaughter came to visit. Along with my daughter still there glued to my side and her incredible husband. We relaxed, we cooked, we watched TV and spent time on our pontoon boat. We talked a bit about it because of course there are so many questions. But mostly we were just there, enjoying that very second, minute, hour we were in. Saturday was also the day I told my youngest son who had just return from a HUGE off the grid mountain hike with a college friend and his girlfriend. (and my sweet grandpuppy Lou) Thankfully we had SO much more information to share so he took it really well.

The only one not taking it well was my husband. This man was struggling. Separating himself from us and hiding in coping mechanism’s all his own. And I had decided that I would accept nothing but positive thoughts. And so our dilemma.

Sunday…..… Sunday was the day that my daughter felt comfortable enough to go back home, our son and his family were back home and it was just us. My husband (Darren by the way) and myself. And so the “talk” ensued. We had not been alone for a moment since the diagnosis. I let him know in no uncertain terms that from that moment  on it was positive thoughts and vibes only! Is this scary? YES! SO SCARY! But can we do this? We can SO DO THIS! My treatment team says so, my family and friends say so, I say so. So get on board! And so he did. He gets it. I just couldn’t shake my own fear long enough to understand his. But ultimately he grew to understand that my fear was bigger, it was different, it was terrifying and I need him to get me through this. And he will. He’s amazing and I am beyond grateful.

Not a typical weekend in the Gort house, but we are getting used to this new “normal for now”. Now……now……. what a powerful word. BE HERE NOW! I have NOW.